Hey pals, I’m feeling a little bit dejected this morning about the prospect of writing today’s Receipt. Can you be dejected before the thing has happened? (I think you can in Europe!) Maybe my dry skin is getting me down (it hurts when I smile.) Maybe it’s just that I’m separated from my David Nicholls book for the day. Are you sure you aren’t bored of these newsletters yet?
But I suppose I’m asking too early, perhaps loads of mad stuff will happen today and it’ll be the best receipt ever! I like the idea that long-time readers have all these shared memories from previous receipts now. The one with the tea crisis. The one where I couldn’t spell Eighth. The one where the door was open. The one where the door was closed. Classic. It’s like the limpest sit-com ever, or one of those zoo-cams that shows the gorilla (me) sitting in her enclosure enjoying some snacks.
Sun’s shining today though, blue skies, winds up. Perfect day for a Kite Festival (remember that one?) - shame that’s not for another six months. But we’ll make do with what we have today, which is a delivery at least, probably some customer collections and with any luck, actual purchases. We live in hope!
Do you just sell set authors or is it any book?
(Sounds like too vague a question but in reality yes, the ‘set authors’ we stock are the ones I think are probably good? But we’ll order any old rubbish you’d like!
First customer is looking for a hand puppet for a gift. I show her a giraffe and she says pointedly No Giraffes! and I wonder what happened there.
Next customer comes to collect a book club book and asks after Business Mum. “Is she on holiday?” Always makes me laugh because she’s actually nearly always here but some people mostly manage to miss her, or only ask about her when she’s on a cruise.
“I’d better not go in there in case I see any books”
A man browses the paperbacks for ages - I like this, feels like we must actually be spoiling the customer for choice - and eventually settles on this and this. Something old and something new, which is ideal.
A couple enter the bookshop and the woman glances around the bookshop before heading back towards the door. As her husband closes the door behind her, I hear her say “Even the bookshop has let me down.” That’s not fair! I don’t even know what she was looking for, she didn’t ask or even make eye contact! Maybe I could have helped? There are lots of ways this bookshop can let you down, but you’ve got to give me a chance.
Ah, paperback man comes back to say I’ve overcharged him, which fair enough - I actually have. Sometimes editions scan through at their new prices but still have an old price printed on the book. If I spot it, I’ll always honour the printed price. But this is evidence of a book that has long outstayed its welcome in the shop. I probably should have discounted it, let alone overcharged for it! Anyway I give him the £1 difference back and we’re all good.
*said confidently, based on nothing* Second hand bookshop there!
(We’re not.)
Delivery!
I phone a customer to let him know his books are ready and the number written down in the order diary does not work. Incredibly this customer had phoned us just half an hour ago to see what time it would arrive, and I could invoke the mystical powers of 1471 to retrieve the phone number! It must be my lucky day because absolutely no one has rang us in the meantime to talk to us about saving money on our energy bills or anything.
Delivery includes some Stephen King restocks - quite tempted by Shawshank Redemption and Rita Hayworth actually, I’ve never read any Stephen King and this is so temptingly slim. Of course, like every writer, I have On Writing at home, but I still haven’t got around to actually (on) reading it.
Delivery also mysteriously includes Dune parts 2 and 3 but not Dune, which we don’t have in….
Loads of Claude and Kitty because we can never keep those illustrated early readers in, and a big stack of dinosaur picture books. My favorite is Meet the Dinosaurs.
Thwack! A copy of the extremely good Headshot by Rita Bullwinkel, which I wrote about here.
and the new cookbook by Anna Jones called Easy Wins, which I have some cute extras for people buying a copy in the shop, including post-it notes to tab the recipes, and postcards. (These aren’t included with online orders, sorry!)
1pm …And that’s lunch! (soup)
Wrong phone number customer arrives to collect his book and orders another. I think I’ve got the right number this time, though of course, we won’t know until I try to ring him again.
Adult: You’re Grounded.
Child: I’m not.
(Can’t argue with that.)
I do some washing up to warm my hands.
Oh look, another bookshop!
Man who has just walked past this bookshop, noticing us again from the other direction.
The only post I’ve had this week is this gorgeous new edition of Oscar Wilde’s The Happy Prince adapted and illustrated by the award-winning Harry Woodgate. Andersen Press have done a gorgeous job on the production here, it’s absolutely lovely. I’m not actually familiar with this story so as the shop’s pretty dead this afternoon I’m going to have a little read. The problem is, having no knowledge of the original, I’ve got no sense of what has changed and what has not. Anyway, lovely purple text throughout.
(Hm. Actually quite a weird story.)
Two guys walk past in shorts? Drinking iced coffees? They’re wrong.
Last night BM text me after work saying ‘You’ll need to bring milk tomorrow’ and I thought oh great, the chances of me remembering that are absolutely zero and I’ll have no cups of tea all day and I’ll be furious and cold forever. Plot twist! Turns out I did remember, and I brought some milk, so now I’m having a brew. Not a great story, but a happy ending. You can just be happy for me.
4pm and this afternoon has been dullsville. Now it seems fair to ask if you’re bored of these newsletters. Don’t answer if the answer is yes.
Two children come and swap their World Book Day tokens for some of the World Book Day Books. One their way out they stop and look at the World Book Day poster, which shows all of the World Book Day Books.
”I’ve got that one!” says the boy, pointing at the poster excitedly. That one, in his hand as he says it.
“I’ve got… that one!” says the little girl, also holding the actual book that she’s pointing to on the poster. I wonder if they feel a bit famous.
Just stuff him in, head first.
Trying to put a parrot glove puppet into a carrier bag.
Right, I’m off home. Have a great weekend folks, and do drop me a comment if you’ve ever had a bad experience with a giraffe.
Okay, sorry to say I have never had any experience with a giraffe at all beyond fairly typical zoo sightings, but, hypothetically speaking, if I happened to be visiting your shop all the way from Canada between April 4 and April 9, is there a particular day where I might up my chances of showing up as a bookshop receipt?
I'm sorry your day was dull, but I genuinely laughed multiple times reading this which doesn't happen often.
I recognise myself in the man who thought he'd found a new bookshop because he'd crossed the road!