Hello, it is I, your manic perfumed pixie Saturday dream poetry girl pusher and this is the next update live from the bookshop.
Earlier this week I unpacked the Richard Osman poster. The Richard Osman Window Cling. The Richard Osman Standee. The Richard Osman Bunting. Not a euphemism. Apparently he’s got a new book out. To be clear, the standee is of the fox logo from The Thursday Murder Club series, not a life-size cardboard cutout of Osman himself, which would prove quite a looming presence in the window. I stood next to him once. He actually is as tall as he keeps saying he is. I haven’t read the books - have you? Some people tell me they’re wonderful, some people tell me how disappointing they are. Who can you trust? When it comes to books, only yourself. I’m not Anti-Osman, there’s just loads of other stuff I’d rather read first.
These posts will remain free, with comments open so you can send me queries while holding a book that says The New Thursday Murder Club Mystery by Richard Osman like, ‘Excuse me, is this the new Richard Osman?’1 and ‘How much is it?’2
You can support my bricks and mortar bookshop by buying your books via this link, and you can support me as a writer by taking out a paid sub to this Substack. Thanks.
The first customer wants The Complete Works of Balzac3 Richard Osman. I ask if she’s going to start reading it today. She says yes. I’ll ask this to all the customers buying this book today, only because it makes me extraordinarily happy to think of someone going home to immediately start reading a book they’ve been waiting for. This doesn’t happen to me, because I live in the constant shadow of all the books I said I was excited to read and didn’t get round to actually reading for another three years. Why I ever pre-order hardbacks for myself is completely beyond me. Nevertheless, she persisted…
Read that. Read that. Read that. Read that.
Someone outside, who has apparently read our entire window display. (I don’t believe her)
I’ve been sent a beautiful package from DK Books to celebrate the publication of Rebel Folklore (Thank you Fern!) and there’s a competition on this purchase link to win the same gorgeous gift. This candle is almost too pretty to burn, but I will do it in the name of Rebellion while I sip my tea Wellness Infusion and plot revenge on all my enemies think about folktales as inspiration for stories!
I am surprising some of my Osman pre-order customers with signed editions because… I forgot to tell them I’d ordered signed copies!
One customer glances at the signature page and says “he didn’t take too much time to do that, did he?” It’s not a great signature, but so few are. And Osman probably had to sign thousands of these things. Even for a giant that’s tiring. Sometimes we’re sent packs of signed book plates and we’ve got no idea which books to stick them into.
I do not tell the disappointed man about the time we ordered signed Oliver Jeffers books, only to discover that Jeffers had broken his arm around the time of signing, and had simply drawn an X inside instead.
Must be very hard on these bookshops.
*continues walking past*
I’m choosing a book for next month’s book club. I usually pick something dark for October; if there’s ever a time for ghosts it’s Halloween Christmas, actually, but I try to look for something slightly supernatural or demonic in October, if possible.
That said, this time my head has been turned by a non-demonic proof in the post from the good folk at John Murray, and in the interest of not overthinking it, I’ve decided to trust my gut and schedule it for next month’s read. It’s North Woods by Daniel Mason and it occurs to me that I could extend my book club to subscribers here (yes, you!)!
It’d be the same book I’m reading with my book clubs at the shop, but the discussion would be online. I’ve added a poll here for preference on how the chat could work. As in the bookshop, you’d get the book and read it in its entirety before our meeting, which would take place at the end of the month. The date I’m doing my IRL sessions for North Woods is Monday 30th October, so perhaps I’d open up the chat/comments for Substackers on the same day. Do vote if you’d be interested in being part of this. In an ideal world you’d also buy the book from me using this link, but as this book club would be for my paid subscribers, this isn’t a pre-requisite to joining the discussion.
Yes! Richard Osman has a new book out! And that is *not* the one I am interested in!
(this passerby had a particularly booming voice and this comment carried right into the quiet bookshop made all the customers laugh, ha ha ha, sorry Osman.)
A lady comes right up to the till and looks at me, “Oh it’s not you. It’s you.” I’m always disappointing people who are expecting to see my Business Partner mum. “Do you know Mark Haddon?” she asks. I don’t tell her that he once gave me a novelty cheque because I feel she wants to continue with her story, which is that she’s currently really enjoying this book she’s just discovered…The incident…something. Yes, I know the one, I say. She’s absolutely delighted by it. “It’s very clever! Lots of people have those sorts of problems, don’t they? He’s doing his A-Levels now. In the book. I didn’t know what it was going to be about!” Did you just recently buy it? I ask, wondering if that’s the connection to the shop. “No, I’ve had it for years!” she says. “I just got sick of all the other books so I thought I’d try it.” Well I’m glad you’re enjoying it, I say. Now pretty certain she had not discovered this recent treasure/million copy bestseller in my bookshop. “Ok, bye then.” I say. “I know your Grandmother” she says. Ah ha.
I could get lost in there for about forty minutes
(weirdly precise, assume this is based on previous experience of Being Lost)
In the children’s area of our book shop we have some beautiful original artwork framed on the wall. People often ask if its for sale. It is absolutely not. These pieces by illustrators including Rebecca Cobb, Lucy Cousins, Emily Gravett, Emma Chichester Clark, Louise Yates, David Lucas, Petr Horacek, Gwen Millward, Jessica Ahlberg, Sharon Rentta, Mini Grey and Leigh Hodgkinson are my pride and joy. Also, one of the frames in is in the perfect position to reflect a view of the door to the shop, which means I can hide in the kitchen alcove, scarfing my lunch by the sink, while still keeping an eye out for customers. If you ever come into the shop and I appear very suddenly from the back, drying my hands on my jeans, it’s because I’ve just rinsed the crumbs off my fingers.
A beautiful black dachshund puppy called Betty is carried into the bookshop. I fall instantly in love with her. She lets me stoke her soft piglet tummy and smooth her glorious satin ears. She has very friendly owners who promise to bring her back in when she’s old enough for longer walks. Hooray! We Want Betty! Bring Back Betty!
A lady and a young girl come in for “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe book” and I mentally wrestle with The Eternal Narnia Bookseller Conundrum. Do I say it? Do I say it?! …I say it.
“Do you want… The Magician’s Nephew?” No, of course she doesn’t, no child wants that. Has it even got a lion in it? A witch? Turkish Delight? A WARDROBE? I respectfully sell her the paperback The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe, and even though it says BOOK 2 on the side, the child cares not one bit and is delighted with her new book.
Flurries of customers all afternoon who didn’t have the decency to do or say anything strange. Should be an okay day’s takings. I didn’t have time to actually read anything - good for this business, bad for my business of being a person with lots they want to read. Share your weekend reads with me in the Chat thread, and drop me a comment or email if you’re interested in the Substack version of my book club. Thanks to everyone who reads and shares this newsletter, I really appreciate your support. TTFN.
yep.
£20 in our shop, because £22 sounds petty.
This genuinely did happen yesterday, but I wasn’t writing a Receipt that day so I couldn’t include it here.
I read the first Osman and enjoyed it. I thought it had an interesting premise and was quite fresh. The second, meh. I didn't bother to read the third. I've just finished Crown of Blood by Nicola Tallis about Lady Jane Grey. My interest was sparked by watching Becoming Elizabeth on TV. (Well, my interest was sparked by Tom Cullen playing Thomas Seymour in an artfully undone doublet, but I digress). Fiction-wise I've just finished Winter by Ali Smith. I love that whole quartet and her writing! So fierce, so fearless. I love her. I'm just starting a British Library Crime Classic called Jumping Jenny. I love them, I call them by 'in-betweeners'. I especially love the fab vintage covers. A lot of love in this.....
I laughed so much reading this!!!